I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
