After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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