Apparently you make a good broom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
