Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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