I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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