I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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