Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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