Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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