I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize