dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
