if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize