I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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