He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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