We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
