Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
