One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
