Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
