a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
