my phone needs a breathalizer
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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