its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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