He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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