I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
