This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
