i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
