I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
