i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
