Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
