so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
