I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
