Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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