I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
