Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck