he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours