Plan B is the new Plan A
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.