so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
