She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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