I will die if light touches me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
