and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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