Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's blow job season.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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