I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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