he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
