i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
