I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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