All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice