As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.