just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
