If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys