Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.