I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.