I smell stomach acid.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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