Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
