News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
