honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
