I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
God I need to hump something, right now.
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