At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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