I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
