You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
