Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Let's paint friendship bongs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
