I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
