he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish you could order shots online.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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