please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize