Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
