Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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