You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
