It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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