You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All the doctor said was why
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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