2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
