Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i love accidental penises.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
