sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
