He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
