dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
