try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My vagina is officially offended.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
