Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.