We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
