I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
