i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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