Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
