i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
