i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
