I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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