you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i out mim tonsoeep
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